From the Files of John Gacek - Funnies

The Anniversary

nospam@example.com (BigJohn) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:16:44 -0500

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?", he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said his wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said ... "I would have gotten out today."

How dumb can you be?

nospam@example.com (BigJohn) — Fri, 23 May 2008 23:54:04 -0500

Lets set the scene... Family Feud - the good 70's version with Richard Dawson, and were at the last part of the show. You know, where two contestants come out one at a time and try to come up with the best answers out of five questions then the points are combined for the final score. Check out the first guys answers, can the second guy REALLY be worse? The survey says... "YES!"

This one came courtesy of the guys over at I Hate My Cubicle...

A Funny for Today...

nospam@example.com (BigJohn) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 23:32:56 -0500

I caught this anecdote over on fark.com earlier this evening:

Just last week the customer relations person at one of my customers told me of a complaint call she took from an irate father. The man had bought some children's fever medication for his toddler and was complaining that his child had trouble swallowing the pills. He said he couldn't understand how anybody could make pills destined for children in such a large size.
Well, normally children's medications don't come in swallowable pills, so she asked him a few questions about the child and the medication, fearing that he might be giving adult medication to a young child. He wasn't. He had purchased proper children's medication in a proper form: SUPPOSITORIES.

Talk about pulling that one out of your ass...

I'm not even gonna comment on this one...

nospam@example.com (BigJohn) — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:41:30 -0500

~John~

Oooh Oooh I found my favorite Calvin and Hobbes...

nospam@example.com (BigJohn) — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:35:04 -0500

~John~